The Magic Six Hours

Dr. John Gottman is a well-known relationship researcher and therapist who has devoted his career to figuring out why some marriages continue to improve over time, and some do not.  All of his work and research shows that successful couples intentionally devote time to their marriage that unsuccessful couples do not.  He has built a little program to help couples give time and energy to their marriages.  He calls it:  The Magic Six Hours.

PARTINGS:

Make sure you say goodbye before you leave each other.  Find out one thing that is happening in your partner's life that day.  (2 min/day = 10 min/week)

REUNIONS:

Greet each other with a hug and kiss that lasts at least six seconds as this is how long it takes to create a physiological reaction in our bodies.  In addition, have a stress-reducing conversation that lasts about 20 minutes.  This conversation is meant as a time of reconnection before getting lost in the rest of the day.  (20 min/day = 40 min/week)

APPRECIATION:

Spend at least five minutes each day communicating genuine appreciation for your spouse.  Try to be creative.  Regular expressions of appreciation are one of the strongest predictors of a healthy, loving relationship.  (5 min/day = 34 min/week)

AFFECTION:

Make sure you show each other physical affection daily.  Physical affection releases oxytocin in our brains which increases feelings of connection.  (5/min day = 35/min week).

WEEKLY DATE:

Successful couples spend one-on-one time together on a date.  We should be intentional about making this happen.  Mix up what you do.  (2 hours/week).

STATE OF THE UNION:

Spend time counseling together about how you are doing in your marriage.  Have a relationship check-in.  What are we doing right?  What needs improvement?  What are our plans and goals?  Talk about relationship concerns and express appreciation.  

Of course, it's not about the exact amount of time we spend together as couples, rather the attitude of being intentional about the most important relationship we have.  It is about regular time and attention.  Investing in the Magic Six Hours can go a long way towards cultivating HOPE in your relationship as you grow together as a couple.