Q & A with Amy

How do you define hope?

For me, hope is the little whisper inside that tells me things will get better. It's the fuel that powers the will to try a little harder and be a little better.  It's the faith my children have placed in me to recover and be a better mother.  It's the love from a Savior that tells me tomorrow is worth fighting for.

How do you find hope? 

Lately, I've been borrowing my hope.  I've found it in my children, in the faith of friends and family, in the testimonies and experiences of others, in the strength of the dear friends I met in rehab.  I take a little bit of all of their hope, add the hope I find in meditation and prayer, and make a little hope collage to get me through tough times.

How do you carry on - move forward - during difficult times? 

One of my favorite sayings from rehab is "Do the next right thing" and that has become my motto in the real world.  Difficult times can be overwhelming and feeling overwhelmed was one of my biggest triggers as an alcoholic.  Instead of "forward tripping" and worrying about things I can't control, I simply look at what the next right thing to do is and I do that.  Before I know it, I've survived another day and gained a little more strength in the process.

What did you feel was your darkest moment and how did you come out of it?

It was exactly a week after I checked myself into detox.  I had been at rehab for 48 hours and the medications detox had given me to help me come off of the alcohol were starting to wear off.  It was the first time I had started to get a sense of the gravity of my situation.  My kids had just come to visit, I had had that first hard conversation with them.  I had turned away the boyfriend that was so toxic to me and not allowed him to visit.  I was terrified at the thought of being in this place for another 4 weeks with complete strangers, no family and friends and no alcohol.  Later that night, I was in a full fledged panic attack and I asked a fellow member of the church to give me a blessing to help me calm down.  He blessed me with patience and peace.  He promised me that friends and family on the other side were fighting for me.  He quoted lines almost word for word from my patriarchal blessing and told me to go back and reread it.  He truly was inspired and I felt pure hope in that moment.  I knew that I was going to overcome this disease, that it wouldn't be easy, but that it would change me forever.  And I knew I'd be writing about it when I got out.

What advice for others do you have regarding hope? 

I have met countless new friends through this disease and have had hundreds of messages from people all over the world sharing their stories with me.  The one thing we all have in common is a new mindset of taking things one day at a time.  At Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, periods of sobriety are recognized with a chip.  Chips are given for 30, 60, 90 days and so on to celebrate and remind us of our journey.  Recipients are given the opportunity to share their feelings, struggles, victories...anything they want with the group when they're given their chip and at the end of their share, they always say "And with that, I'll take another 24."  We realize this is a disease to be battled every time the sun comes up.  So it is with life.  We will all have challenges and difficulties, some small, some debilitating, along the way.  When we ask ourselves how we will ever survive, often there doesn't seem to be an answer.  But if we stop, remember our loving Heavenly Father and ask for the strength to just get through TODAY, we will find it.  He wants us to succeed, but He wants us to grow in the process.  The trials won't be removed, but the strength to get through the day will come.  And with that, we'll take another 24. :)

I so appreciate Amy's willingness to share her story with us.  I can see her strength and hope to recover and I know that she will.  I hope her story gives someone the inspiration and understanding that they too can recover from addiction.  You can continue to follow Amy's journey on her blog:  sheisperfectlyimperfect.com  You can find find out more about Alcoholics Anonymous at www.aa.org