February 1, 1998 - I am going to go to the support group this Wednesday. Perhaps they will help with some of the questions I have about care facilities. I'm reading "An Alzheimer's Anthology" that I got at the fundraiser the other night - interesting.
March 21, 1998 - I just wish life was a lot simpler, but I don't know if I could handle it any better. I've come to the conclusion that by being busy I remain sane and happy. Some days I feel very anxious inside and some days I feel like I can handle anything. I'm more at peace with most every aspect of it all now and hopefully, I am prepared for whatever is next.
May 27, 1998 - This morning I sat out some pudding for him. He can't get the top off by himself and I wanted to help him. He wouldn't let me. He sat on the floor and cried and asked Heavenly Father for help and pretty soon he was able to open the pudding. Tonight he told me that he loved me and that he knew that with his disease he needed help from people.
August 19, 1998 - He is in diapers 24 hours a day now. I had him stay at the care center last night and picked him up tonight. He bumped his head twice getting into the car. One of the reasons I may decide to make his stay permanent is that I can't get him in and out of the car and I can hardly dress him by myself anymore.
August 24, 1998 - I put Craig in a care facility. I feel good about it, but I can't quit crying. I feel like the choices I made are right and that what I am doing now is the best for all of us. This is a crazy disease. In spite of it I feel incredibly blessed. A richer and a better person because of this experience with Craig and "big Al."
September 5, 1998 - I volunteer at the facility on weekends. It makes me happy to be there with Craig. Last Saturday I curled the women's hair and shaved the men and gave them all hand massages and clipped or painted their nails. This Saturday I took hair clippers and gave Craig and all of the gentlemen a haircut and shaved their necks. I love being there with Craig and helping.
Getting the help you need is one sure way to find hope. Allowing others to help lift our burdens is a blessing for the both the receiver AND the giver. I so appreciate Judy's example of giving. Not being afraid to step out of your comfort zone and serve others is a lesson Judy has taught me over and over again. "The best way to find yourself (and to find hope I might add) is to lose yourself in the service of others." - Mahatma Gandhi
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