Meet Judy

Meet Judy.  Judy has had many titles in her life, some of which include:  mother, administrative assistant, friend, caregiver, grandmother and widow.  I know Judy because she brought me into this world and we have been the best of friends ever since.  It is Judy that taught me how to hope and how to move forward when times are tough.  She knew how to teach me because life has given her many opportunities to learn.  Judy has survived breast cancer, a bout with e-coli, the loss of her son due to an accident, and the loss of her husband due to early-onset Alzheimer's, among other trials in her life.  Judy is my hero.  It is her experience with Alzheimer's that I'd like to share with you.

I know this story because it happened to me too - but I'd like to share it from Judy's perspective.  Throughout the time Judy cared for her husband with early-onset Alzheimer's, and worked full-time, she kept a caregivers diary.  When the journey was complete she published her diary and it became a book called "Life With Big Al."  Since my father's death in 1999, my mother has continued to work for Alzheimer's awareness by serving on the Alzheimer's Association board, public speaking, and facilitating support groups for family members of loved ones with Alzheimer's.

Over the next few days, I'd like to share some excerpts from Judy's book:

August 29, 1996 - Craig was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, or as he calls it, "Big Al."  Craig is 52, bright, energetic, independent, and very athletic.  He had signed a professional baseball contract at 17 years of age.  He owns his own business, works long hours, and runs at least 10 miles every day.  He is a marathon runner and an avid golfer.

May, 1997 - He is becoming more confused about days and he described that next day by "after we sleep again then it will be. . ."  One morning as we awoke he looked at me and said, "Now I forget, how are we related?"  I knew this would come but it still shocked me.  I turned around to gather my thoughts and asked him back, "How do you think we are related?"  He didn't know and I told him we were married.  I was afraid of more questions, so I got out of bed to fix breakfast and turned on the television for him.

November 22, 1997 - He went to the BYU/UTAH game today with friends.  He stayed the whole game and did great.  I'm so appreciative of his friends that are willing to take him places and help him.  I know it isn't easy because it is like babysitting.  With all my heart I want to do this well and walk hand in hand with Craig until we reach graduation day.  He deserves the very best.  I want to understand this disease all that I can.

December 4, 1997 - Craig is becoming more disoriented and able to do fewer things for himself.  I watch him eat and he hardly knows how to pick a sandwich up and eat it anymore.  I've tried flat flour tortillas filled and rolled.  I would put a napkin around it to hold the bottom but he would start to eat the paper before I could undo it.  It truly is a reality that there are new beginnings at the end of life.  As we face death we learn more about life and living and the important things of loving each other daily.  We can't relive our lives, but it's wonderful that we can learn from our experiences.  It is said that life must be understood backwards, but we forget the other proposition that it must be lived forwards.  What a world this would be if we did know in the beginning what we know in the end.  Our suffering can be turned into a celebration of the sweetness of human life.

December 19, 1997 - I'm at a loss as to know what else to do.  I feel like I just want to sit in a room somewhere and not listen, do or see.  Actually, what it amounts to is that I continue to wish each day away.

December 31, 1997 - He is afraid to go to bed alone so I always go with him, get him to sleep and then quietly get back up and write in the quiet hours of my lonesomeness.

More from Judy's book in the coming days, along with a Q & A with her at the end of the week.  I think it's important to note that in life, and especially in trials, we can expect ups and downs.  Some days feel very discouraging while others very promising.  We must try to remain as optimistic as possible until those promising days give us the glimmers of hope we all search for.  Once caught, that hope can carry us through hard times.   I like how Judy's friends were a source of comfort and support.  Leaning on others is a great way to find hope.  How have your friends helped you find hope during your own trials?