January 4, 1998 - I've decided that as a New Year's resolution to help me I need to do one good deed a day - actually go out of my way to do something nice or good for someone.
January 9, 1998 - I talked to the Alzheimer's Association. I've been soliciting donations for a dinner/fundraiser for Alzheimer's. It's a $75 a plate dinner and I want to be able to meet the people I should know that affects what is going on in my life with Craig. I want to be involved with the Alzheimer's Association. We are caught between two worlds of young and old - real and unreal.
January 10, 1998 - I think this week I truly came to grips with the thought of caring for him like a child. It is wearing both physically and emotionally. I feel I exist day-to-day. Talking is more charades, and one-on-one is hard.
January 11, 1998 - He's very snappy with me lately. I think I am feeling at an all-time low. I just want to be able to go to a movie or run away from everything for a few days. I went to the store and bought a family in need some groceries, dropped them off on their porch and that was my good deed for the day. It's not often I'm able to do this. It makes me feel good to share or do some small gesture for someone.
January 22, 1998 - He spent the day with his mother. I didn't shave him well today. He was angry and wouldn't hold his head up. He told me I'm not only not a good wife, but I'm not a good friend anymore either.
January 28 - 1998 - I made a promise to myself to go out once a month and be a friend again. I haven't been a friend or anything else. I have allowed myself to be a prisoner. I need to step back and take control. I've become a different person in the last month. I hope that others can learn from my experiences and that I will be able to help others one day.
Judy always taught me that a great way to find hope during trying times is to get as much knowledge and understanding as you can about the problem so you know better how to fix it. Education is empowering, and it definitely lays a foundation for hope to thrive. Judy also taught me that thinking of others during your troubled times is yet another way to ease your burden. Funny how giving hope to others (especially when you feel you've got nothing left to give) lifts your own burden and builds hope of your own. I love how Judy not only wants to learn from life experience, but then turns around and help others to learn and perhaps not make the same mistakes she made. Has the knowledge you've gained from challenges helped you to help others?
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